Natural Parenting Newsletter Archives
don't beat yourself up and HAVE FUN
Hello friends
don't beat yourself up and HAVE FUN.
"The pacifier is really helping, but I feel terrible because it's not 'natural parenting'."
"Even though it's not natural, I could really use some tips on how to deal with my toddler."
It is easy to beat yourself up because you aren't parenting to this ideal of natural that you have in your mind. While organic and plastic-free is wonderful, the essence of 'natural parenting' is not about doing everything perfectly hemp all the time. If you are taking what you are learning and using it against yourself, it defeats the whole purpose.
WHAT NATURAL PARENTING IS
Natural parenting is based on a deep trust in children's nature. Period. From this assumption, your actions flow differently. We listen and observe and pay attention to our deeper wisdom, learning more all the time.
Children are born whole. They are naturally curious, honest, present, loving, intuitive, wise, and full of genuine intention. When we devote ourselves to nurturing these innate qualities, we begin to rediscover them in ourselves. How cool is that!
THE DAILY WORK
The daily work is to tap into our own innate ability to nurture, and to continue to grow ourselves as natural parents. To this end, practical strategies for everyday challenges are so helpful!
PRACTICAL TIP: WHAT TO SAY INSTEAD OF "GOOD"
Here is a question that was asked recently, and the natural parenting strategy in response.
"You've mentioned how important it is to stop saying "good girl" or "good job" and I mostly buy into what you are talking about. I remember from my own childhood becoming more concerned with whether I would get the approval for what I was doing than the natural act of just doing it (like sharing, or whatever). But I'm lost when it comes to ways to encourage without saying "good"! What do I do?"
Amy from San Francisco
Hi Amy:
I know what a tough habit it is to stop the "good job" from coming out of your mouth! It sounds like you are frustrated because you want to encourage and support your daughter, but feel awkward because you are questioning yourself as you try to do that in new, more effective ways. Here are two things to try.
Say "I see you" or " You did it". Simple statements which communicate what children (and all of us) hunger for...to be seen and to share our joy for living. These are not judgments, and they let her know that you are totally present and with her. You can add an observation, if you want, just make sure it's pure observation without opinion mixed in.
"You put the lid on that jar!" or "You buckled the seatbelt". (Not, "you did that so well" or "you are such a good runner"). Let all your genuine enthusiasm show in your expression, as well. Be present as present for the accomplishments as for the attempts that don't turn out so well.
Acknowledgements. Make a statement about who your child is BEING, rather than what she is doing.
"You are so full of light" or simpler still "you shine".
"It took courage for you to try that by yourself"
You can see how you may use these whether a child "succeeds" or not, helping her to know that she is loved unconditionally. Acknowledgements are based on a deep knowing of your child.
If you want to learn more about how to encourage your children and replace reward/punishment with powerful ways of interacting, which truly build confidence and joy, check out our teleclasses and workshops this fall. (Schedule coming soon.)
HAVE FUN!
new recipes!
Why not bake a cake for no reason at all, icing and everything. That's the most rainy day fun thing we've done in awhile. Just handed out the pieces to anyone hungry for some. Check out our new recipe section with lots of healthy treats (some wheat and dairy free).
Namaste,
Kris
2007 kris laroche : all rights reserved